1. Don’t expect a BFF on day one: Look at your college roommate as someone to get along with, not as your future best friend. Incoming freshmen often place too many expectations on the roommate friendship to be more than it ultimately can or needs to be. The idea is to have a good, not necessarily great – and definitely not bad – roommate: someone you can live well with, who does not interfere with your studies. If you get a close friend out of it, that’s a bonus, but not all roommates turn into besties and that’s okay, too. Living pleasantly with your roommate and enjoying their company when you can is a great outcome.

2. Start the conversation ASAP: The sooner you can begin the relationship, the better. Right before school, schedule a get-to-know-you discussion and begin to establish boundaries. If possible, do this in person. Even if you selected your own roommate and already know them well, this is a necessary step. Knowing someone well and living with them are two very different things.

3. Discuss alarm clocks: Try to compare class schedules with your roommate(s) before the semester begins to see if you can establish a working dynamic around those times. You may have lucked out with classes that begin at 10:00 or 11:00 a.m. (so much better than high school!), but your roomie may have had no choice but to take classes beginning at the ungodly hour of 8:00 a.m. Ouch! If you’re the type of person that can sleep through anything, your roommate’s alarm, five snooze buttons later, may not affect you. If you’re a light sleeper however, the alarm clock is a possible source of tension.

4. Discuss bathroom habits: First of all, figure out if the bathroom is actually in your dorm room, or shared with your hallmates (very common). Arrive to school with a bathroom caddy to transport your toiletries to-and-from your room, as well as plenty of towels. Anything left in a shared bathroom – no matter how considerate you think your roommates are – will be used by others. This could be the start of slow, simmering resentment. To help protect your belongings, choose dedicated shelves or areas where you’ll store your toiletries if you have a shared bathroom or a private sink. Label those areas with your name on a piece of masking tape. It worked in kindergarten, and it will work here, too. If everyone does it, the system is especially effective. You’ll also want to invest in a good robe, or some kind of cover-up because a dorm is a public space.

5. Study habits matter: It’s good to have a variety of places to work outside of your dorm room. This will take some pressure off. Nevertheless, a few all-nighters are inevitable and your exam schedules will never line up perfectly. At any given point, one of you will be celebrating that your big paper is finally done while the other one is still facing the world’s hardest midterm. Set some expectations now, before you are stressed out with deadlines, and never forget that what goes around comes around.

6. Germs and illness: A few years ago, several thousand students at the University of Pennsylvania and Princeton University developed pink eye. Merely entering into a dorm room, let alone living in one, is like jumping into a petri dish. Each of you will get sick at some point your freshman year, probably more than once. Disinfecting wipes can help, but if your roommate is really ill, try to find someplace else to bunk until the storm passes. And most importantly, if you have some concern they may not be improving, or worse, becoming more ill, do not hesitate to call in a Resident Advisor and get that roommate medical help.

7. Deal with pesky noise: There is no way to know who will snore or snort. Or who will talk too loudly, or too frequently, or is always on the phone. Along with study habits, you should discuss how to manage phone conversations and visitors in these close quarters. If you want to pleasantly drown out those unavoidable sounds, I recommend purchasing something called a sound machine – it makes wonderful white noise and should help drown out bothersome sounds and lull you to a nice slumber. These machines also come loaded up with background sounds like whooshing wind or the ocean waves. You could also just buy a small, good old-fashioned fan; they make great white noise too. Turn it on high, and you won’t hate your roommate.

8. Address bad smells: Funky and malodorous smells can doom any roommate relationship. First, address whether or not to allow eating in the room, and establish some rules for food storage, including when the fridge should be cleaned and who takes the trash out and when. Beyond that, some pleasant-smelling room spray for a quick spritz works wonders. You might also come armed with a few of those scented plug-ins. (Make sure your roomie has no allergies or any aversions to particular smells.) When it comes to smoke, of any sort, put your foot down. Set your expectations early. When things are particularly invasive, like smoke, bad smells, or loud music, it is fine to insist that they stay out of your shared space.

9. Dealing with hook-ups and being “sexiled”: Whether it’s some light PDA, or an overnight visit, dealing with a roommate’s romantic partner can become a major source of conflict. And if it’s ongoing, the constant, unwelcome presence of your roommate’s partner can eat at what little privacy you have. It’s best to have an honest ground-rules conversation upfront about boundaries and visiting hours.  Working things out may be as simple as saying, “Hey, I’m going to go to the library for several hours. The room is all yours.” Whatever you and your roommates decide, consideration for each other and your shared space should be the priority.

10. Nip problems early on: If it’s bugging you, bring it up. Don’t let it linger and fester and don’t assume that your roommate has any idea that there is something wrong. Bringing it up directly and early will save you piles of stress and tension. Passive aggressive behavior towards an unwanted roommate is a habit that just makes it worse for both of you. Be the adult in the room, you will be happier for it. If that fails, ask for help; that’s why RAs are there. No matter how many ground rules you establish in the beginning, no matter how compatible you think you are with someone, there is no way to avoid all unpleasant moments, or even one or two unexpected, unprovoked all-out bad experiences. Avoiding the issue, or not finding a reasonable way to manage the problem, is how most roommates go from pleasant dislike to all-out resentment.

In conclusion, many students heading to college are still working on advocating for themselves. I get it.  Newbie freshmen also fear any undue attention or drama. But you must speak up for yourself, and not let problems go on for too long.  Students often try to “ride it out,” but if the problem does not resolve, you should be able to go to am RA for help. Beyond establishing boundaries and trying to be considerate, some issues may arise that have no solution other than to seek the help of an appropriate staff member. Resident Advisors, and even housing staff, are well-trained in any and all possible roommate conflicts and scenarios. They should be able to diffuse the situation or resolve it in as effective and low-key way as possible.

A final note: Most first-year roommate situations work out for the best, even if they don’t result in a best friend. The trick is to anticipate common areas of friction, and stay neutral and positive in navigating them. With any luck, you won’t hate each other, and may even become a pro at navigating too-close-for-comfort dynamics, or better yet how to politely say, “Dude, you reek. Go take a shower.”

Reblog from Forbes written by Nedda Gilbert